


Sarge's Adventures In Babysitting

by Gobsmacked_limbic



Series: Valhalla Green [7]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: AI, Babysitting, Comedy, Domestic, Fluff, I'm sorry but there's no grimmons, Modern, Modern AU, domestic AU, nork, red team - Freeform, there's an epic battle for cookies tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 18:54:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7652857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gobsmacked_limbic/pseuds/Gobsmacked_limbic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sarge, with the help of Grif and Simmons, discovers babysitting may be a little more fun than he anticipated. It's pure mindless fluffy cuteness</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sarge's Adventures In Babysitting

**Author's Note:**

> This one is not beta'd I'm afraid but I read over it an awful lot so here's hoping it's okay! A comment from CrystalMoon884 about Sarge babysitting the boys planted the seed for this and... well it's an adorable idea so I hope you enjoy!

“But why can’t Epsilon mind us?” The questioned wasn’t so much asked as whined, as the unimpressed six year old stood steadfast by the front door of the house.

“Epsilon is visiting his mother today Theta.” York reminded him, grabbing onto the boys hand and yanking him away from the door so he could lock it. He was in a hurry, he really didn’t have time for this. Theta stumbled just a little but his reaction to the gentle jerk was far too overplayed.

“OOUUCCHH! My wrist!” He moaned, holding his hand in the other and pouting to his Dad. “That hurt!”

“I hardly touched you Theta.” York groaned while tossing both his briefcase and laptop into the back seat of his car. “I really don’t have time for this, you’ll just have to put up with it.”

“But what about Wash?” He attempted again to get out of it, forgetting all about his _injured_ wrist, as he balled his hands into fists by his side. He was so unimpressed with the situation, he didn’t want to go _there_.

“David has his interview. Look there’s just no one else available at such short notice.” He leaned down in front of his two kids, one pouting, the other silent, and rested a hand on both their shoulders. “It’s only for two hours MAX before your Pop is home. I’ll bring home some ice-cream to make up for it but please boys, this is important.”

Delta wasn’t entirely sure why his dad was making out like it was the both of them causing a scene when really it was just Theta. Their Dad owned his own security company. It was small enough at the moment, but York’s own state of the art security system was gaining some notoriety. The very best of cameras and sensors, designed to keep anything or anyone safe. The boys had been aware of this big client he had been waiting to hear from. They had no idea who it was, or what they wanted him to protect, but their Dad often spoke about what it would mean for both the family and the company if he closed said deal. Theta was mostly confused when his Dad spoke about work, but the moment York mentioned Disney World as a possible result of the deal, he was sold. 

Still, why did that mean the crazy man across the street had to babysit them? Delta was nine, almost ten years old so surely he should be old enough to mind them by now. Even Disney World wasn’t going to be a good motivator for the tantrum throwing six year old. He didn’t want the weird, old guy to mind them, and he was ready to make that very clear.

“We’ll be good Dad.” Delta swore for both of them, giving Theta a warning glare. “Won’t we Theta?”

“Ugh! Fine!” He wasn’t happy about the situation but without Delta on his side, there was no way he was getting out of it. The three hurried across the street, Theta still being pulled along by his Dad’s hand, and soon York was knocking on the front door.

“What in tarnation? Who’s there?” A gruff voice called out from inside the house.

“Sarge, it’s York.” The young male cried back, leaning against the door. “I called just a few minutes ago. You said you’d mind the boys for me for a while.” He should probably be more concerned, considering his neighbour couldn’t seem to even remember the request, but Grif was there and he could be sure Simmons would show up at some point too. Not to mention Delta had the emergency cell phone in case he needed to call either his Dad or Pop. They’d be fine.

Theta could hear the old man hobbling about inside and the sound of countless locks unbolting followed. He took a moment to examine his surroundings. There was a huge jeep in the driveway, he was pretty sure that Sarge called it the warthog but he wasn’t sure why, and had been warned not to ask. There was also a life sized cannon in the middle of the green. His Dad insisted it was for decoration but he couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if he tried to light it. He had seen Loony Toon cartoons before, he knew how to work a cannon.

“Oh, York. Right.” The blonde boy turned back to the doorway to see Sarge having finally opened the door. Despite his age, the man had a fine head of hair, even if it was as grey as the fuzz along his chin. A fine moustache sat on his top lip and from the curling chest hair that managed to peak up even over his high neck sweater, it was clear that he was grey all over. There was the odd black strand but for the most part Sarge looked ancient. At least according to Theta. Delta was willing to guess that he was in his early sixties. “So I’m minding you boys, huh?”

“Yes sir!” Delta was the one to reply, making sure to speak loudly as he was pretty sure the war veteran had tinnitus from the way he yelled everything. It did make sense after his stint overseas protecting their country that he would have some bumps and injuries that would stick with him.

“Thanks for this Sarge.” York sounded breathless but really he was just panicking about time. This client could really turns things around for him and he didn’t want to be late. “North will be home by five, but I left a bunch of snacks in this bag.” The rucksack was shoved into the older mans hands. “They’ve had lunch so they should be okay, but that’s just in case.”

Theta’s huff went unheard as their Dad pulled him and Delta close in a hug. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t help but feel his bad mood get a little lighter as his Dad held them both.

“I love you boys, please be good and I promise I’ll be back soon.” He didn’t give them a kiss on the forehead or linger for any parting words, just pulled way and rushed back to their house. Theta watched as his Dad got in the car and pulled out of the driveway to go meet this mysterious client.

“Well… you boys can stay outside if you want but I recommend coming in if you wanna make sure tubby doesn’t eat all your snacks.”

“Did someone say snacks?” A voice called out from inside the house and Delta smiled to his brother who couldn’t help the small chuckle. Dexter Grif was Sarge’s eldest child, the younger being his sister Kaikaina. They didn’t know the girl as well as they knew her brother, considering he still lived at home at the ripe age of thirty five. It had been some weeks since their Pop told them about Grif being really sick, even having to go to hospital for some sort of surgery, and as he walked into the hallway Delta could see he had lost considerable weight but the man was definitely still on the plump side.

“If you wouldn’t die on me, you will at least stick to that god damn diet.” The gruff elder snapped to his son, grasping the bag of snacks firmly in his hand so it couldn’t be snatched away. “Normally I’m all for rationing, but I think it’s in your boy’s best interest to get these into you as soon as possible.” The bag was tossed towards Delta who managed to catch it as the old man hobbled behind them, locking up the door again. The elder brother expected his sibling to pout and cry over how they were now locked in with the “scary army man” but Theta had changed his mind rather rapidly.

Anyone who was willing to let them scoff down a bag full of cookies, Doritos and chocolate covered rice cakes couldn’t be all bad.

***

The sound of an ice cream van outside momentarily distracted the two boys, giving their enemy just enough time to attack. The couch cushions around them swayed, threatening to fall as the blanket above the children was wiped away and tanned hands appeared, grasping for a morsel of food.

“ATTACK!” Delta called, tossing his brother a pillow as the two lunged from their pillow fort, cushions in hand. Remorseless, they belted Grif, defending him from the last of their snacks. Their laughter filled the room, the older man shrinking, crying out in mock pain.

“Oh they got me! They got me!” He called out, the pillows pelting against his soft body almost drowning out his words.

“You’ll be avenged!” A gruff tone called out and a pair of rolled up socks was tossed towards the kids, hitting Theta on the forehead. It was followed by another, as well as a third pair and the giggling boys crawled away as the seemingly endless attack of socks continued.

“Theta! Hail Mary!” The blonde child nodded and a confused Grif hardly had time to react as Delta darted away. The taller child grabbed the blanket off their collapsed fort and rushed back, flinging it over the man. He was confused for a moment as things grew dark and his large limbs became tangled in the covering. Theta was relentless however, darting around the blinded male and hitting with the firm pillow he had. Every hit came swift and precise, he almost got him in the groin but Grif managed to free his arms just in time. Pulling the blanket from over his head, he tossed it aside and lunged at the child, ready to grab him only to tumble to the ground in pure exhaustion. The relentless sock grenades kept coming though, hitting the children each and every time.

“Retreat! Retreat!” Theta called out, their fort now just a fabric and pillow pile on the ground. They pulled the now discarded blanket over their heads, making sure their biscuits hadn’t been touched as the two other men argued outside of their fort.

“Sarge! I don’t think I’m gonna make it.”

“Quit your belly aching and die already, I could probably use that spare tire of yours in some form of attack.” The boys weren’t really sure how the game had escalated to this point but they didn’t care. A little less than an hour ago they had been sitting in the living room, watching cartoons and eating the snacks their Dad left them. Occasionally Grif would attempt to steal one, mostly just to torment the boys but they knew if he got his hands on them he wouldn’t give them back like their Pop would.

The game continued for some time, even after the cartoons ended and the news came on. Sarge had been oblivious to the antics going on as he commented on the state of the world, not understanding why the children would burst into fits of seemingly random giggles while the woman on the set reported the latest disaster in Europe.

Eventually the elder male grew wise to what was going on and rather than tell them to hush so he could continue watching the news, he began to join in. With two adults trying to grab the odd cookie, defending their sweets became a lot harder.

Somehow a simply grabbing game had turned into full war. The boys had stolen every pillow and blanket they could find. The backs off the couches were pulled away, even the slightly damp rug on the bathroom floor became a part of their makeshift fort while Grif and Sarge instead used the remains of the couches. They pulled the frames together, creating a trench and formulated a plan to steal the enemies’ sweets.

The boys did a pretty good job defending themselves, but as old as Sarge was, his military mind was still fresh. He was a master of tactics and all of Theta’s valiant efforts to thwart him hadn’t stopped the man from getting his hands on two rice cakes and a carton of juice. They had no proof but they were pretty sure Grif had taken care of them already.

“Shh…” The children heard the adults whisper outside of the blanket that their fort had been reduced to. They fought to contain their snickers as they waited for the inevitable attack. Maybe the grownups got their hands on some of the pillows that were now tossed about the living area, and were about to pelt them in return? Or it could be tickles? They weren’t sure but Theta was clinging to the packet of chocolate chip cookies while Delta secured their last juice box.

“Nothing’s happening.” Theta noted after everything grew quiet. They waited, the air underneath the blanket growing stale as they shuffled underneath it to get comfortable. “Maybe they gave up?”

“No, it’s a trap.” Delta hissed back.

“I’m gonna look.”

“Theta…” Any advice he had to stop went unheard as a curious Theta poked his head out from under the blanket to see where their child minders had gone. Immediately hands reached out, gripping onto his hand, then under his arms and he was snatched out from under the covering with a shrill scream followed by a loud giggle. “THETA!” For a moment Delta got tangled in the fabric surrounding him but he managed to stagger out in an attempt to save his brother. 

He barely managed to take a step forward before arms were around him, holding him back. Theta was hoisted over Grif’s shoulder, Sarge holding onto Delta who dropped the carton of juice.

“VICTORY IS OURS MEN!” Sarge cried out in triumph. “I mean… Grif.”

“Aww yeah! Try all you want little man, these cookies are mine now.” Theta’s tiny fists hit against Grif’s back, his legs flailing as he tried to get free.

“We’ll surrender if you share!” Delta tried to reason, Grif just laughing at his offer as he finally let Theta down.

“Surrendering is a cowards way out!” Sarge continued to hold onto the squirming Delta. The boy had been careful at first when the old man got in on their game, but it became clear that even with his limp, Sarge was deceptively strong and capable of roughhousing. 

“What on earth is going on here?” None of them had heard the front door being unlocked but all four turned to face the new intruder. Grif was holding Theta at arm’s length to stop him from snatching back the cookie packet, and Sarge still had his arms around Delta. For a moment the youngest child thought the new person was his Pop, and surprisingly his heart sank at the idea of going home already. Instead his eyes widened when he came face to face with the _cyborg_.

Delta immediately gave his brother a look once he realised who was with them, silently telling him not to breathe a word. Grif’s brother-in-law Simmons had served in the war similar to Sarge but his stint was much shorter and resulted in much more limb loss. Due to this, he had a prosthetic arm and leg that Theta found fascinating. The child believed their neighbour Epsilon when the teenager told him that the man looked like that because he was a cyborg, and no matter how many times his brother and parents tried to tell him otherwise, he didn’t believe them. His parents insisted it would be insensitive to ask Simmons how he became a cyborg, and he knew from Delta’s look he was to remember not to be rude.

“You missed a great battle Simmons.” Sarge finally let go of Delta as he addressed his son-in-law. “Telta and Data here are some mighty fight opponents.” Neither attempted to correct him on their names, they grew tired of it after the first dozen times, and by now it was just funny to hear what he’d come up with next.

“It looks like a battle happened in here alright.” Simmons sighed, walking over to the collapsed fort the boys had been huddled under. “What is this?”

“That was our fort.” Theta pipped up with a proud smile. Simmons looked down to the mess with a disgusted look.

“No… this won’t do.” He claimed with a disapproving shake of the head. Both Grif and the children groaned at the idea of cleaning up their mess, but were pleasantly surprised when Simmons instead moved over to the couch, pulling it into the centre of the room. “If you want a sturdy fort, you need solid foundations.” He barked orders to everyone except Sarge, who allowed the younger adults to keep the children entertained while he sat back and watched as his living area was transformed. Simmons knew where there were extra duvets and with Sarge’s permission, even pillows from bedrooms were put to use. The result was glorious, with enough cushions left over for each of them to sit on the ground inside their new and improved fortress. It wasn’t very high, with the adults having to crawl to get in but it still looked awesome.

Theta stayed inside the fort, sharing the cookies with Grif, while Sarge retired to his bathroom to take his medication after Simmons reminded him. Delta was with Simmons in the kitchen while the elder man unpacked the groceries he had picked up his father-in-law from the store. He watched with fascination as the artificial fingers gripped onto the various cans and bottles. 

“You’re allowed to ask questions you know.” Simmons informed him, he didn’t even have to look at the boy to know where he was staring.

“My dad’s told me I shouldn’t be rude.” He informed the adult who turned around to face him.

“Isn’t staring ruder than talking about something?” He gave him a small smile, showing he didn’t mind if the child spoke to him about his abnormalities. Simmons was lanky and tall with sandy brown hair that had once been shaven but now fell over his brow. All his features were slim from his skinny face to his bony body. He didn’t look like he ever belonged in war, but who was Delta to judge?

Once he put the shopping away he sat alongside the green eyed child, allowing him a closer look at his mechanical arm. The boy listened in fascination as he told him about the carbon fibre pylon holding the prosthetic together and the mix of that and plastic to make up the outer material. As the child admired his elders knowledge of just how the prosthetic was made, Theta was admiring Grif for a total other reason.

“W…X…Y….Z….” Grif patted his stomach and took a mock bow as Theta clapped, impressed how he wasn’t lying when he said he could burp the entire alphabet. The air in their fort was staler but it was worth it to witness that. “That’s nothing, if I chug one of Sarge’s prune drinks you should hear the noises I make.”

“Isn’t Sarge your dad?” Reluctantly, the older man nodded. “Why do you call him Sarge?”

“Because I’m a grownup and grownups can do whatever they want.” He ruffled the blonde’s hair, earning a laugh from the child who no longer questioned it.

The real reason was that by the time his father really came into his life, Grif was just too old to think of his as a dad and with how the older man treated him, he never would. Due to his many overseas missions, Grif and his sister really just grew up with their mother, only hearing stories about their hero father and seeing him very occasionally every few months. The man loved war than he loved them and even as a child the elder sibling accepted that. 

For a brief time after he was finally discharged, they had lived together as a family but his mother died some years ago and Kaikaina moved out so now it was just them. Grif really didn’t look anything like his old man. He was tanned while Sarge was pale, his hair was a dark brown and his dads’ was grey. They did both have a soft stomach but Sarge’s was from limited mobility while Grif’s was mostly just from laziness. 

“Do me a favour, go get one of those prune drinks for me. It’ll be funny, I promise.” The child grinned and nodded his head furiously before rushing out of the fort. The structure swayed just a little but didn’t fall as he dashed into the kitchen.

Theta stopped in his tracks when he saw Delta not only admiring their neighbours arm but even touching it.

“I thought we couldn’t say anything.” He hissed to his brother, trying not to be heard but it was impossible not to when Richard was sitting right beside Delta.

“Theta I don’t mind.” He flexed his hand, giving him the same encouraging look he had given Delta. Curiosity should be encouraged, and while he understood their parents not wanting him to feel offended by anything the boys wanted to ask him, he didn’t want to stifle them.

“Are you a cyborg?” Theta asked loudly, blurting the question he had wanted an answer to for so long. Simmons stare to him blankly for a moment before he burst out laughing, he should have expected that.

“You answer me something first. Since your Dad’s eye isn’t real, does that make him the terminator?” The children gazed to each other in confusion, Theta tilting his head as he tried to figure out what the question meant. Delta was the one to finally pipe up.

“What’s a terminator?” The look on Simmons face could only be described as devastated as he looked to the two innocent children in front of him.

“Oh… your dads are going to kill me.”

***

“Thanks so much again Sarge, I hope they weren’t any trouble.” North stepped into the home after the army veteran opened the door for him after a minute or two of struggling with the locks. North had rushed home the moment he finished work, he knew Theta wasn’t entirely comfortable around the older man and he didn’t want anyone to be suffering because of that.

“Oh they were trouble alright.” The greying male stated, causing North’s face to fall. “But I don’t think I woulda wanted it any other way. C’mon… they’re in here…” He followed the hobbling man, already surprised that his children hadn’t rushed out to meet him and try drag him home. In fact he couldn’t hear a peep from the boys at all so he continued to walk with the older man.

North hadn’t been in the home in quite a long time. After returning from war some years ago, Sarge had struggled readjusting to civilian life, particularly after his wife passed away. It was his daughter who encouraged him to get help which was where North came in. The occupational therapist took Sarge on, helping him readjust to his new lifestyle and overcome the mental blocks he had. By now he was pretty much taking care of himself but North still liked to check on him every now and again, particularly on July 4th or holidays with fireworks involved. He had also visited a few times while Grif was ill but he definitely didn’t remember there being a blanket fort in the living room. He hesitantly followed Sarge who bent down, indicating for him to follow. Stooping, the large blonde followed to find his two boys curled up between Grif and Simmons who had carried in a small coffee table into their fort. On it sat his laptop, the four huddled around watching something on the fifteen inch monitor.

“Hey...” He was immediately hushed, surprisingly by Delta and Theta who remained glued to whatever movie was playing on the laptop. “Oh well I feel loved.” His sarcastic tone fell onto deaf ears as the boys still refused to acknowledge he was there to collect them. They didn’t even say anything until he reached out, touching Theta’s shoulder.

“Please Pop… just a little longer.” This really wasn’t what he expected from his child, he grew even more surprised when Sarge managed to get comfortable on the ground beside his kid and Theta wasn’t pulling away.

“What have you guys done with my kids?” He whispered with a smile, keeling so he wouldn’t upset the roof of the fort. Grif just smirked but Simmons smile was apologetic.

“We’re sorry North… I just… they hadn’t seen it.” He turned back to the laptop, paying proper attention but it only took him some moment to realise what it was they were watching. His eyes widened.

“Terminator?” He questioned, both children turning to face him.

“Please Pop it’s the best movie ever!”

“Simmons said we could see the end.”

“We’re very mature for our age.”

“I won’t get in your bed EVEN if I have nightmares!” He could hardly hear what exactly was being said as both began to plea at once for them to be allowed to stay longer. Their eyes were wide and their bottom lips puffed out in an attempt to look adorable. He knew this movie wasn’t suitable, Theta was certainly going to have trouble sleeping tonight, but they seemed to be enjoying. Not to mention it had been a long time since he saw Terminator himself.

“One condition…” They looked hopeful, and their smiles broadened as he made space for himself, getting comfortable. “I get to watch it with you guys.” Both let out cheers before hushing everyone, even though it had been them making noises. All eyes returned to the laptop, the six males growing silent as they watched the eighties flick. The only sound was North reaching out for one of the cookies Grif was consuming, only for the older man to pull them away.

“Nah man, these are mine, get your own.” He claimed with a knowing smile and a wink between him and the boys. Whatever happened here over the last two and a half hours, North would never be sure, but he was certain it was some kind of miracle as Theta slipped from beside his brother to Sarge’s lap, continuing to watch his new favourite movie.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like Grimmons shippers aren't going to be overly happy with me but I'm sorry I just love the idea of them as brothers-in-law and honestly who knows where this story will go. I have more backstory like why exactly Grif was ill that may be mentioned in the future but I don't want everything to be so exposition heavy. Also Kaikaina should probably get a mention at some point, she's doing really well running a popular nightclub with her business partner and barman Connie (barman Connie gives me life and I'm not even sure why)
> 
> ANYWAY it's cute, it's fluffy. I have like a million other stories completed/started but one in particular I want to make sure is beta'd before it comes near this site cause it's an important one.
> 
> Anyway thanks for reading!  
> Pace!


End file.
